You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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