Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
