he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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