I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
