I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
