I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
