i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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