I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Don't make out with my wife yet
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
