O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
