Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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