this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
