i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
