I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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