I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
