I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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