so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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