my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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