found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
