I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
