Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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