For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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