I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
