Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
