this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
