what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
