I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
