Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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