I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
