We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
