I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
