I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
