Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
