Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
