I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
