Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
