Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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