mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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