a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
