threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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