oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
