Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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