I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize