I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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