When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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