So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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