Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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