you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
