You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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