is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
