susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
