dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
