Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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