There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
