im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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